A Very Long 2 Weeks!

December 4, 2011-December 19, 2011


Well, needless to say, after our conversation at Red Lobster on Sunday December 4th, Christine, Laura and I were ready to board the first plane to China!!  None of us could see any reason NOT to adopt a little girl. Craig on the other hand was being logical, and was wondering how in the world we could do this. We had college coming for Laura, we needed another little car for her to drive, I didn't have a job, blah blah blah....  I couldn't imagine this NOT happening. But, I was trying to be realistic, and I didn't want my heart to over rule my brain, or what God really wanted for us. Was it just me who wanted another little girl? Another child to call me "Mommy." Was I the one who wanted to step out and trust God for EVERYTHING, because it didn't really make sense at this point in our life. (I am 46---when she is 20 I could be 64!) Was I the one who wanted to get up early on Saturdays instead of finally being able to sleep in? Was I the one who wanted to go through Preschool and Elementary School again, and read for 1/2 hour each night? (Yes, please note the sarcasm. I love having an organized life, why would I want to shuffle things up at this point in my life? I love being able to sleep in, I love not having to do my children's homework :) ) My girls were finally old enough that I did not have to pretend to go to the bathroom just in order to get a moments peace! After thinking about all those things, I just kept thinking that all those reasons could not just be selfish reasons, God had to be leading this decision. I kept telling Craig "If we are misunderstanding God, and we aren't supposed to have a little girl from China, but yet we are stepping out in FAITH in every aspect; I can't see how God would be upset with us."  During the past 7 years, Craig and I have felt like sometimes it's been a little hard for us to know God's will. We felt there was a reason that we moved to GA, away from all of our family and friends, however in the past several years, we have done everything in our power to try to move back. And it hasn't happened. We pray all the time for God to change our hearts and make us want to stay here in GA. (It's not bad at all, it's just that our entire family is in NC, and we really miss seeing them.)   Besides all these thoughts running through our heads, I still couldn't find a reason NOT to proceed with this adoption. Craig still could not make a commitment. We would talk about names, what she might look like, how old she might be, how we would make a bedroom for her, etc. I was busy talking to my new friends who had adopted from China before. They were able to help me so much, and I didn't feel like I would have to go through this process alone! I called agencies, and got prices for homestudies, etc. I wasn't the kind of wife who could just be still and wait for my husband to come around. We just kept talking about it....I knew that I couldn't force his decision, and I didn't want to, I just didn't know what was taking Craig so long to decide. But, I had to remember that it had really only been 2 weeks, since we talked about adopting from China. Plus, I had to remember that it was CRAIG I was dealing with. He doesn't do ANYTHING fast, much less make a decision like this!  When we were first married, it took him 2 weeks to decide upon a vacuum cleaner!!!  All I wanted was a vacuum cleaner, but no, Craig had to go to a billion different stores and find out all he could about each vacuum cleaner.  Boy oh boy!!!  But that's why I love him, we balance each other out. So, when I am fast to make a decision, I know that Craig will quietly consider every option and when he's ready, he will make a sound, good decision.  During this time, I was desperately praying that if this was NOT God's will, that He would change my mind! But it was almost like the opposite kept happening. I would wake up every night around 4am and I would have these revelations. God would confirm to me that He promised to take care of us, and that we shouldn't worry about tomorrow. He kept telling me to "Follow Him each day, and He would lead me down the path that He wanted me to take." It seemed like everywhere we went we would see adopted Chinese children. The sermons at church would confirm our decision to adopt. One sermon was even about  Elizabeth and Zechariah, and about how God blessed them with a child at their "old age." God just kept reaffirming that this was His plan, and that we just needed to trust HIM.